


The Belchers Strike It Rich...Kind Of..

by Missy



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Family, Family Fluff, Gen, Humor, Rags to Financial Stability and Renound, Success
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 21:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5514773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The restaurant becomes a popular destination on the senior circuit, forcing the kids to learn something about boundaries.  And the family to attack the Pestos, but that's another story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Belchers Strike It Rich...Kind Of..

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strix_alba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strix_alba/gifts).



“Lin,” Bob Belcher whispered as he slapped a freshly toasted bun on the Manchengo Me Crazy burger someone at table seven had ordered, “why are there so many people wearing Hawaiian shirts here today?”

“M’I Don’t know, Bobby,” she said, taking the platter as he dished up a scoop of fresh fries. “Maybe Jimmy Buffet’s playing somewhere?”

“It’s almost Christmas. Does he even tour during the winter?” He added a tiny flourish of olives to the plate before letting her put it on a tray. The next one was a basic burger with cheese, he’d done it so many times that he could make it in his sleep and thus he rushed through the process while talking to his wife. 

“We do have a lot of retirees on the north side,” she said. “Yeah, I heard it in on the news – Mister Fischoeder bought an apartment building and fixed it up so he could get enough money to buy his brother a new skating coach.”

“They have a weird relationship,” Bob said

“They really do,” Linda said. He gave her the cheeseburger, a pickle and even ore fresh fries and she merrily headed off to feed the presumable group of retirees.

Then the front door opened, and the kids piled into the restaurant. Tina stopped and blinked in surprise, instantly noticing the number of tropical-shirted folks gathered within. But it was her sister who had the first and loudest comment. “Woah, it’s Golden Girls city in here!” Louise burst out.

“Should I thank them for being our friends?” whispered Gene aside to his sister.

“No!” Tina hissed back. “You should be nice to old people! They’ve all been through a lot!” She approached the nearest customer. “Ma’am, I wanted to thank you in person for fighting the cola wars of 1986 for us. My generation is really grateful for your sacrifice.”

“Tina, get away from the customers!” Bob called, and then winced at his own tone. “I’m sorry. I lost my buns.”

“That’s not the only thing you lost, sister!” Gene called spiritedly.

“Tina, take your brother to the market and buy me some buns. Louise, do your homework.”

“But I don’t have any homework, father,” she said, deliberately changing her accent to a cockney tone. “It’s so dark down in the mines that the teacher can’t see to give us our ‘rythmatic lessons!”

“Hah!” said the old guy sitting next to her. “You think you’ve got it hard now, wait ‘til they decide you’re tall enough to reach the light switch! You’ll wish you were diggin’ for coal!”

Louise raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve been down in the darkness yourself.”

“You don’t work in the mines,” Bob said. “We don’t even HAVE a mine in this town.”

“That’s what they want you to think,” the old man said, tucking his grey mac closer to his skull.

****

“Okay,” Bob said. “So I talked to that nice old lady that Tina scared and it turns out word’s spreading about the restaurant on the west side!”

“The mustard billboard I posted must have worked!” Gene gasped. 

“…Not gonna ask what that’s about. So now that the restaurant’s getting a little more popular, we have to be careful not to scare people off.” 

“Am I going to have to get a haircut?” Gene asked.

“No.”

“Then I don’t care!” 

“What’s in it for me?” Louise asked. “I think I deserve a cut of the action.”

“We’re…we’re not gonna do that,” said Bob.

“It’s be a real shame if something happened to the place, Dad. Y’know how ‘accidents’ can happen.” She tossed a pillow off the couch. “Oops!”

“I think you should do what she says, Bobby,” said a worried Linda.

Bob raised an eyebrow. “I don’t believe you’re trying to shake me down.”

“Who’s doing that? I’m not doing that! You know what makes me sad? Salt and pepper shakers are more breakable than this. Oops,” Louise repeated.

“I don’t need anything. I’m just proud that you got there,” Tina said.

“Thank you, Tina,” Bob said. “So everyone just be yourself, but careful. Old people are breakable.” 

Tina nodded wisely. “Like a collectible figurine or Gene’s feelings.”

“I’m sensitive!” Gene threw in.

****

Bob had been going over the books just before closing as Linda tended to their final customer of the day. It had been several days since his big revelation had arrived, and he had been to busy to really balance everything, dot every t. And when he finished withdrawing cash for the bills, the realization washed over him with rain. “We have…cash….left over.”

He burst into the restaurant. “WE HAVE CASH LEFT OVER!” he yelled, grabbing Linda and trying to twirl her around only to encounter pain from his trick knee. 

“Oh my God, Bobby! We’re rich!?”

“We’re not rich, but we’re…well off.” Bob grabbed his wife by the shoulders and said, “I don’t believe I’m telling you this, but we’re ACTUALLY WELL OFF, Lin!”

“YEAHH, Momma’s gonna pop a bottle tonight.” 

“Lin you…kinda sound a little like Dev there.”

“It’s not my fault Louise keeps playing that song about getting slizzered.” She grinned. “Let get SLIZZERED tonight, Bobby!”

“I have no idea what that is. And I don’t think I want to know.”

“Would you two pipe down?” The old man asked. “I’m trying to listen to my insides work!”

****

Naturally, Jimmy Pesto tried to cash in on Bob’s new success. Offering mushy food with any order of pasta and free prune juice he’d not managed to put a dent in Bob’s business yet, but Bob knew he’d keep trying.

“What are we gonna do about him?” Linda asked, whisking the nearest booth clean. “Ooh! Let’s set his place on fire.”

“That’s taking it too far,” he said.

“No, listen to mom! I want to dance in the cinders!” Louise cackled.

As the Belchers stared out the front window, Jimmy emerged from his own restaurant carrying a placard. “I don’t believe it," Bob said, reading the text before him. "He’s going to start doing early bird specials!”

“It’s on,” said Linda.

“I’ll go slash his tires!” added Louise.

“What are we going to do, Dad?” asked Tina.

“The only thing we can do. I love you kids,” Bob said calmly. “You’re my family, even when we fight,” he said. “Now let’s go ruin the Pesto’s business.”

“I dunno Bobby,” Teddy said from the counter. “I think Louise had the right idea with that ‘set it on fire’ stuff.”

“We’re not…let’s just go,” Bob said.

“I’ll spare Jimmy Junior,” said Tina quietly. “And teach him the ways of true love. It’ll just add to the whole Romeo and Juliet thing we have going. Only without the dying.”

And as one, the family charged the door.

****

The ensuing melee proved that there was room for both families on the street. Bob had proof - it was right in the judgement they were served six months later.

It also proved that when Louise really got got going it took two police officers and the jaws of life to separate her from her target, but that was another story altogether.


End file.
